


my understanding of kingdom hearts

by pastel_crayonbox



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Character Bashing, Crack, Gay, Gift, M/M, Sorry Kairi, Unreliable Narrator, god this is a mess, im sorryyyy, they say no homo but its all of the homo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28985463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_crayonbox/pseuds/pastel_crayonbox
Summary: watch as our lovely narrator slowy desends into madness while trying to describe kingdom hearts not knowing anything about it. making everything gay along the way and leaving out major parts of the plot just like the real writers do!
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	my understanding of kingdom hearts

**Author's Note:**

> i just realized i spelled kairi wrong the entire time so sorry about that

Sora: im babey

Riku: im also babey

Sora: lets vibe on the island

Kyrie: hi i exist now

Riku: this is fine

Sora: hello bland hetero love interest [ ™ ](https://bonamark.com/content/how-write-r-tm-c-symbols)

Kyrie: *mindless drooling*

Aqua: hello children have a sword now you can use it

Sora: nice 

THEN THEY GOT OLD AND STUFF

Riku: sora i love you and stuff

Sora: what? Did you say something?

Kyrie: *falls into portal*

Sora: oh no!

Riku: lets go explore it 

Sora: thats not a good idea

Riku: okay i wont

Sora: oh great-

Riku: SIKE! *proceeds to jump into portal*

*spooky things with t h i g h s pour out*

Sora: oh no 

Uh what happens here uhhhh

SORA MEETS GOOFY AND DUCK 

Sora: i have keyblade

Duck: i am useless

Goofy: haw haw wee baguette

Maleficent: hi bishes im an antagonist *pours paint on goofy*

Riku is training under mal, right? Yeah that's probably correct 

Riku: i am edgy now

Riku: gonna stab you with my edgy sword( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Keyblade-chan: owo and edgy boy >///< k y a a a

Riku: this is mine now

Sora: at least i still have friends

Goofy: nope bye

Duck: b e g o n e t h o t *unintelligible screaming*

sora: *makes speech about friends*

Keyblade-chan: owo? My heart! kYAAAAAAAAAAAAA 0///0

Sora: sorry bro gotta stab you with my katana ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Riku: my body is ready ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT DISNEYS LOOKING quick act hetrosexual 

Sora: okay where’s kyrie

Kyrie: *appears* 

Riku: wow way to ruin the mood kyrie *stops turning up smooth jazz and throwing rose petals*

Sora: eh she's brain dead anyways

DO D O DOO DOO DOO DOO

[censored]

Kyrie: *falls over like a cardboard cutout*

I don’t know what happens next so 

ANSEM THE WISE 

Ddddooo im ansem the wise im h o t 

And i am s m a r t

Look at my a b s s s s s

*lound ansem the wise lip smacking*

*everyone blushes*

aLRIGHT LETS CONTINUE

Some stuff happens here

Pretty sure it’s gay 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hmmmmmmm

When does kyrie get a personality again? 

That didn’t happen until like this year right?

Okay lets pretend kyrie has a personality and an iq above wet cardboard 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i think that we need some more soriku

Sora: riku youre so hot no homo though 

Riku: bro id like date you *whispers* all of the homo

*disney walks in* are you boys being gay?

Sora: pfft no

Riku: what gay? Theres no gay in here *proceeds to sweep himself under a bed*

Disney: alright you boys have some good ol’ hetrosexual fun like sweaty wrestling 

Sora: y e s s i r 

Riku, from under the bed: oH YES WILL DO S I R Y E S S I R

Dang i missed the opportunity to shove him in a closet 

Anyways some other stuff happens and its uh like kinda hetro 

K i n d a 

Also there’s like 5 of every character, idk why but they're there

*checks narrator notes* something bout darkness

Anyways we have the replikus and sortas and the kyrecolors

And like

Young edgy darkness rat 

According to my kingdom hearts friend “He probs smooched Sora offscreen and now Riku is out for blood” an i am perfectly fine with that headcanon like thats perfect

Pog 😎😎😎

Also there’s uh a darkness cult with anime hair

I could just copy paste the first half of what ive written and it would make as much sense as the kingdom hearts ending

Wow im kinda mean to the story 

Anyways there’s darkness guys with thighs and they have little glowy eyes

Wow that rhymed i'm so smart 

And there’s also like h u s k y b o i s 

I know nothing about them 

pog 😎😎😎

Also i watched a clip of sora singing under the sea and i am scared for life i want bleach for my eyes 

_dARLING ITSs BETTER DOWN WHERE ITS WETTER TAKE IT FROM ME_

S c r e e m 

This has just turned into me slowly descending into madness as i try and write 1000 words ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Okay but so if kingdom hearts has like 1234567 different endings and they're all canon and all the same ending that makes fanfic canon

i don't make the rules

Except that i do cause i'm writing this summary out of order so

Uh

_Green bean_

Theory: kyrie is secretly a _green bean_ in human flesh yeeeees this is correct 

Apparently the director is crazy enough to make this canon so guess i need to w r i t e a n e m a i l

This is turning my brain to mush thanks alot birthday friend >:/ youre old now yayyyy 

Ive had enough this is the end

Lob u fren

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for getting through this mess of a fic


End file.
